Things You Learn in Therapy
Things You Learn in Therapy
Ep55: Comfort as a Radical Act: Prioritizing Wellbeing and Navigating Medical Trauma
How do you differentiate between comforting yourself and numbing yourself? In this Season 2 replay, we tackle this critical question as well as exploring how to strike a balance in our self-care practices. Victoria reminds us that prioritizing our comfort helps us to be the best version of ourselves - a truth that is undeniable. In a world often prioritizing productivity over wellbeing, this episode is a heartfelt invitation to redefine your comfort and priorities.
What if comfort became your radical act of self-advocacy, particularly when navigating the waters of medical trauma or chronic illness? Join me as I delve into this fascinating topic with Victoria Rodriguez, a licensed professional counselor and a PhD student. Victoria's insights offer a fresh perspective on how we perceive comfort and the profound way it impacts our wellness. Our bodies are our first homes, and she emphasizes how feeling unsafe due to medical trauma shakes us to our core. Together, we discuss interventions, offer hope, and shed light on this deeply personal experience.
This conversation is a call to arms - to listen to our bodily cues and boldly advocate for our needs.
Tune in, learn, and let's together champion the radical act of seeking comfort.
I'm sharing this Season 2 replay because it was one of the episodes that drastically changed my everyday perspectives. I hope it will change yours for the better, too. :)
This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast
Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com
If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6
www.bethtrammell.com
Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast Today. I am your host, dr Beth Tramama, licensed psychologist and an associate professor of psychology at Indiana University East, where I'm also the director of the master's of mental health counseling program, and I have another amazing guest here today to talk about advocating for your overall wellness. I mean, i think that that's going to be one of the core things that we kind of tiptoe our way and maybe stomp right in the mud with today. And I don't want to use this word self care, because I think we have a lot of really messed up views of that, and if people have listened before, heard me speak, they know how I feel about the word self care. But I love this idea that we're going to talk about prioritizing comfort in a really radical way. So buckle up y'all.
Speaker 1:Here we go. Victoria Rodriguez is here with me today to talk about this, particularly around, you know, medical illness. No, particularly around this issue of medical trauma or chronic illness. But I think folks who are listening are going to hear lots of ways that this can relate to everyday life. So, victoria, thanks for being here. Can you introduce yourself and tell listeners one fun thing about you?
Speaker 2:Hi, dr Trell, I'm so excited to be here. So again, my name is Victoria Rodriguez. I'm a licensed professional counselor in Louisiana. I'm in a PhD program at the University of New Orleans for counselor education and supervision, and in my private practice I specialize in medical trauma and chronic illness And I help teens and adults feel safe in their bodies again.
Speaker 2:So, whether that's from a medical illness or from a chronic illness or just moving through a medical system or experiencing a medical trauma, i really prioritize comfort and safety with my clients and in my practice. And one fun fact about me is I am actually getting ready to relaunch my website, mycarismyoffice, specifically for home health professionals who might be experiencing secondary medical trauma or just secondary trauma from that job. So for any of your students or any of your listeners who have done, you know, community mental health work, who have done home based work that's kind of my other passion project right now. So, yeah, i'm just really excited to have a conversation today. I love what you said about and what you've been saying on your podcast about. You know, self care is not accurate, it's not enough And it certainly doesn't fit the experiences of my clients who have experienced medical trauma or complex medical trauma in a variety of settings. So I'm just really excited to have a radical conversation with you today about those topics.
Speaker 1:So good. I mean feeling safe in your body again. What a powerful and important goal. Or I mean, i almost hear this as your mission statement, victoria, right where you're like, i just want to have people who I encounter to feel safe in their body again. What a powerful start to this episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know. I want to give a little introduction to what medical trauma is and maybe what the experience of living with a chronic illness or multiple chronic illnesses is like, because that's really what it comes down to And I think any of your trauma informed listeners or even clinical population who have experienced trauma know that safety starts in the body. So when we experience something like a medical trauma, whether that's you know we have to be hospitalized for a crisis or more of a complex medical trauma. You know where we have a chronic illness or we have a mystery illness that we're trying to figure out a diagnosis. We're going to doctor after doctor. You know we're going through these painful procedures or tests or even you know I know you did your dissertation on perinatal health even going through a traumatic childbirth or traumatic you know, just a perinatal story or narrative can be traumatic in and of itself And I like to call that, you know, a bodily trauma.
Speaker 2:So I always tell clients that you know your body is your first home And maybe the reason that you know medical trauma can feel so personal and so unsafe because your body is kind of your first home and the last thing that you control and should be the place where you feel the safest. So when we experience something where we feel so out of control of our bodies or our health, that's really at our core, where we should feel most safe, but where we don't feel unsafe. You know where we don't feel safe. So that cognitive dissonance. You know that, that part where we're telling ourselves, okay, i should feel safe, but I don't. At my core, that's where I come in. You know, that's where we start to explore. You know what are some, what are some interventions we can use to help you feel safe and comfortable again.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness. Okay, so I love this reframe of I can imagine and I know from personal experience and professionally talking with clients who specifically this issue of there's something wrong with my body and doctors don't know what it is Right, there's something mysterious happening, my body's not working the way it's supposed to or the way I want it to, and no one has answers for me. And you know it's interesting. I had never thought about this connection to safety before. You know, i always just took this issue as a frustration. Right, it's very frustrating when we don't know that fear of the unknown, the anxiety of not knowing, and frustration of my body's not doing what it's supposed to or I want it to. But I really like this connection to safety And your body is supposed to be your safest place, your home place, and all of the sort of psychological things that come along with not having that.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely So.
Speaker 2:Something I hear too often with my clients who are trying to figure out like we call it, like a mystery diagnosis or just trying to move through these medical models to figure out a diagnosis.
Speaker 2:Often a fear that will come up is I'm afraid my body is trying to hurt me from the inside out or, quite literally, with autoimmune disorders. You know, that can be the reality too, and I think something that's really important for your listeners as well, for your therapist that listen is it can be overlooked in so many other professions. So, whether that's eating disorders, like we talked about, perinatal mental health, lgbtqia plus issues, ocd health, ocd anxiety, trauma, older populations, younger populations So I think when you're talking about something as close to your personhood or as close to your identity as your body, that's where we can start to see how there's so much connection to all these other specialties and why your listeners, or why therapists in particular, need to be aware of what bodily trauma looks like and how medical trauma can show up. Even if they've never worked with a client with a cancer diagnosis, with an autoimmune disorder, with anything with a specific diagnosis, they still need to be aware of how health trauma in a way, can affect our well-being as well as our clients.
Speaker 1:It's great. Ok, so let's say, we've got this awareness now, right? So I am aware that I'm either working with or I am a person who has medical trauma or a chronic illness. Whether that's a mysterious illness or it is, I have a label for it. I know exactly what it is. What is one of the first steps or an important step that a person might take? What's the next thing they can do?
Speaker 2:So when I think of in terms of therapy, like what we're doing together, sure, so in therapy, first and foremost, i think it's so important just to model what safety can look like. So this is almost radical in and of itself, before we even meet. I do all telehealth for my own health reasons. But it also works out because that's what my clients typically need. Maybe they're disabled or homebound or bedbound or having a flare up or just can't come into the office, or I live in the South and there might be a hurricane and we can't travel to an office. So I use telehealth as an intervention, first and foremost for these clients who need to prioritize comfort. Even setting expectations before that first meeting, i always say, in addition to what telehealth therapists might say of, please don't drive a car, don't operate a vehicle while going to telehealth. But I will always add on to that where do you feel most comfortable? Can you go to that space? Is that space private? Can you stay in your car? Do you need to do therapy from your bed? Do you need to do it from sitting down? Do you need to do it while stretching or walking? So I try to always give my clients that autonomy when they reach out to decide literally what is most comfortable for their body when engaging in therapy.
Speaker 2:And then the real work starts, even in the first session, where we start exploring the messages they've received around health. So I'll always give that example of kind of something we say in society is well, at least you have your health, when everything else is falling apart. Well, at least you have your health, at least you are well, at least you're safe. But for my clients who have a chronic illness or who are recovering from a medical trauma, that's not true, that is not true to their experience. So I think it really starts with unpacking maybe those messages they have received.
Speaker 2:Again, i think it's so important to put context into it. So I work in the South, so I have a lot of clients who have heard religious messaging as well around wellness, around health. So for them it can be very frustrating maybe to hear we'll just pray about it, or this is God putting you through a trial to kind of get into that more religious trauma that some of my clients have experienced. So we talk about that as well of what messages have you received from your larger community, from society and also from your family? So especially for my clients with invisible disabilities or with invisible chronic illness. Oftentimes the most hurtful messaging they can receive is from their own family.
Speaker 2:So, not even from their doctors, who maybe they've come to expect. Hey, i might need to fight more, advocate for myself, more for my needs to be heard. But I think especially, it can be hurtful hearing it from your own family. If you know, are you sure you're not feeling well enough to do this today? or you look fine to me, or will. You were just fine yesterday And that again, that's just not true to their experience.
Speaker 2:So what I find with my clients is they really started to internalize this messaging of I'm not enough, or am I imagining how bad I feel? And then it almost becomes, oh God, like this feedback loop where they'll tell themselves, well, i'm not sure if I'm not feeling well enough to go to school or go to work today, so I'm going to push through it. And then what happens is inevitably they feel worse, right, which inevitably causes them to say, well, i can't do these things. I haven't learned my limits because I haven't learned how to listen to my body and I'm listening to all of this other messaging. So those are some of the first steps that we take And then, depending on their particular situation, with medical trauma or chronic illness, then we'll move forward with a treatment plan.
Speaker 2:So my clients were actively experiencing medical trauma, moving through diagnosis So, for example, they might have just been diagnosed with IBS or cancer or something more extreme or even a terminal illness.
Speaker 2:We might move forward with just that next step of grieving maybe the body and the functioning that they were expecting to have or they were hoping they would have or that they see other people having. So that's the next step that we take as well And then just moving. What I tell other therapists is you can treat medical trauma too. You can treat this grief as well. You just need to understand the particular experiences of that. One cancer is not going to be the same as another cancer experience. So I think doing research for your therapist is also really important, Just becoming really familiar, and I think that also communicates to your clients who have maybe had that messaging of your illness doesn't matter or it's an invisible illness. You're saying I care so much that I'm going to take the time to learn about this so that you don't have to spend your whole session educating me on that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. And I think, as we consider and have our clients consider these messages we have about chronic illness, i think the reminder for therapists to also examine our own biases around chronic illness and medical trauma that even we've experienced, that this may be a kind of area that's new for you in your clinical practice. If you're listening And you're like, i don't know, i've never had a chronic illness, i've never had a medical trauma, i don't know what that means. We have all gotten those messages about health that you kind of talked about. And so just a you know kind of reminder for the therapist listening to say what are the messages that even I've had, because it may kind of enter in inappropriately into the work you're doing. And I think on the flip side of that and I know this is also something you're passionate about is this idea of I mean, you mentioned earlier like radical comfort, right? So what does comfort mean And what are the messages we hear about comfort? Because I think that that's also an important part of what you're talking about too, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely So. I think if we're really examining the messages we receive around comfort, i always ask my clients to look first towards teachers and towards cashiers, and what I mean by that is we continually ask teachers and the teachers I've seen as clients, but also friends and family who have been in that you know education settings will be asked to stand for eight hours a day whether you know, and they might be work again. They might be working through their own invisible chronic illness that we don't know about. Cashiers in this country are asked to stand when you know that is not a necessary part of this job. So it's.
Speaker 2:I think it's very confusing when we you know, when we tell people or we receive these messages rather, that you need to prioritize your comfort. You know health has to come first, right, we're such a quote unquote health driven, really, diet, culture driven, country, right. And then I think when we examine what we actually tell these professionals you know how to do their job, how to you know, okay, you're not actually allowed to prioritize comfort then it becomes a radical act to start to question that, to even question well, what do I need for comfort? you know, instead of asking myself where can I get the energy to work through these uncomfortable moments? Are there ways that I can change my environment to be more accommodating to my needs? So I think that in and of itself, again is like such a radical question to just ask yourself instead of how can I change myself to fit the environment? How can I ask the environment to fit me?
Speaker 2:And I want to recognize as well that this, this, can sound privileged. You know that this can sound like people who are saying that well, they have a certain privilege, that that I don't. But I think you know, in order for it to be radical, it's really important to say no because of the privilege that I don't have. It's even more important for me to prioritize my comfort And for me to advocate against these systems that are actively working against my comfort. So that's where I kind of stand on on comfort from our clients, but also exploring what comfort means to that. So my needs for comfort might look very different for your needs for comfort, and same with my clients. You know all of their comfort needs are going to be different. So that that's really. That's really where I start having that conversation.
Speaker 1:And I think it's such a good way of framing because our body needs are our most basic needs, right. Yet I think you're absolutely right that I don't think we spend enough time kind of challenging and prioritizing these things. And so, you know, I kind of wrote down, like how can I change my environment? right, What are the ways that I can prioritize advocating for changes in my environment? And so for the folks that are listening, you know, you might think, well, I am a teacher and I do have to stand a lot, or I am a cashier and I do have to stand a lot. Are there ways that they can either advocate or be intentional about prioritizing their specific comfort in their body in other ways? So I guess I have two questions there, right, Like how do they advocate? but then also, how do they really be intentional about prioritizing that?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think, first and foremost, a lot of these issues that I'm discussing are systemic. So I do consulting as well, for, like healthcare providers, healthcare clinics, and just talking about, if you don't have systems in place that are already prioritizing comfort, there's only so much I can do for your healthcare professionals and for your patients, right? So I would say, if I were speaking to the patients or the clients first we identify what you need to feel comfortable and then we advocate and we don't stop. And I know that's easier said than done, but the truth is is that if you're not going to prioritize your comfort, nobody else is going to prioritize your comfort for you. So I know you specialize in working with children. You have so many great resources for children. So I'll even say the same thing to parents If you're not advocating for your child's needs, there's not a guarantee that anybody else is doing that for your child or that your child has the autonomy yet to do that. So, first and foremost, if I have clients who are teachers we talk about, well, how can we write a letter, how can we learn scripts that you can tell your administration to support you in your need for comfort? What's the research that we can turn to And I know this is going to sound again radical and if they're not meeting those needs, then I think, going to a therapist that can help you sort out. Well, what is my priority? Is it staying in this job or is it prioritizing my comfort? Then that's maybe a conversation you need to have with yourself. At the end of the day, if these systems are not willing to prioritize your comfort in the same manner that you are, if those goals are not aligned.
Speaker 2:So I think, first identifying that comfort, learning scripts to advocate for yourself, and then reaching out to advocacy groups There's so many groups that exist online and in person that can help you advocate for your needs, whether you have a chronic illness or a medical trauma or not. And then using the resources of those groups to help you advocate and knowing you're not alone. And I think in those moments it's really important. I always tell my clients this we're experiencing medical trauma. We know this from the research that reaching out to a peer support group and seeing, okay, what do you use to advocate? What worked at your school, what worked at your job? setting to advocate for your needs And really starting a movement on a social level, engaging socially and then using that momentum again to advocate for yourself. So I know that's kind of maybe not as concrete as your listeners would want, but I urge them to reach out to other advocacy groups, for peer support groups, even to learn what specifically might work in their profession or with their particular chronic illness.
Speaker 1:It's, that's great. You know, one of the examples that you shared includes teachers or cashiers who are on their feet a lot, right? Are there other examples of sort of discomfort we might say, other examples that folks you work with have brought up? So I guess I'm thinking about the folks who are listening that are like I don't really know, i've just always been taught to suck it up and keep going, right? So I think this idea of pausing to say what are your needs for comfort, what are other examples that you can think of, that might jog the minds of listeners that might say oh yeah, i kind of do experience that discomfort. I just became, you know, attuned to it. I guess, or I just kind of became habituated to it, or I don't know. What are other examples?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is such a good question. So I have a few that I would love to go through. So, again, i always go back to maybe our groups that cannot advocate for themselves in the way that we think we can. And I go to those children and teens that are in school And I don't know if you experienced this in my school, but in my school I don't know if you experienced this in your school, but I did in my school where there were a lot of barriers even to just asking to use the restroom. So I know a lot of my, my teen clients will literally be told no, you already had this time ago, you cannot go, like you will get written up if you go, even when they have accommodations. So we'll say, well, can you just get accommodations? Well, yes, but there are still barriers, or maybe staff or teachers who don't understand that. So I always go back to that as an example. Or again, i'll use the example of teens or children, you know, being asked to eat at a certain time of day and not being allowed to eat outside of those times. So again, we can use the doctors that we can try to get accommodations, but if those schools are not accommodating. That's where we need to come in and advocate for our clients and advocate and teach the parents how to advocate for their needs as well, as well as our clients to, because I think it's just become so accepted that you know well, no, of course you can't use the restroom outside of when a teacher lets you go, or of course you can't eat, you know, in the classroom or outside of a time when that has been stipulated for you. But yet, as adults, we're told well, everybody's body has different needs, you know. Or if you have a chronic illness, or if you, you know, have differing medical needs, you might need to eat at different times, you might need to use the restroom at different times. You might just have different needs And, unfortunately, i feel like schools are really a system that are not set up to accommodate for those needs.
Speaker 2:I also think I'm going to call out your listeners. I think therapists as well are really bad at listening to their cues, especially therapists who have chronic health issues. So I see all the time online. Oh my gosh, like there will be therapists who will be like. I actively have COVID right now. You know, i see patients over telehealth, i see clients over telehealth, but I'm feeling pretty bad. Should I cancel clients? Should I not cancel clients? And I'm thinking, wow, what messages have you received to think that you need to push through COVID in order, you know, to see clients and serve your clients? So I think therapists in general are really bad and have received those messages.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or you know, you cannot pause session. You can't. I've heard messages. You can't drink in session. I've heard messages you can't pause and go to the restroom. If you need to go to the restroom, Or again, we'll just not set aside time to make sure that they're eating in between session or just taking care of their bodies in that way, or not listening to their bodies when they're having a flare up or just having an off day.
Speaker 2:So I think I think I'll go back to the therapist first that we are just really bad at listening to our own bodily cues.
Speaker 2:I'll also use the example, and just this is from my own experience.
Speaker 2:So, again, maybe your listeners have different experiences and might need to examine their own experiences with their profession or in their family.
Speaker 2:I think moms are really bad and dad, so you know, and non binary parents as well, are bad at just taking breaks when it comes to children, so taking breaks to eat themselves, making sure they're not just eating the leftovers you know that their kids are leaving on the plate, making time to use the restroom when they have children.
Speaker 2:So, first and foremost, that identity as well, i think also in my own identity as a home health professional traveling on the road to see clients. You know, in that community mental health setting there were just not a lot of times where I could say, okay, i need to stop to use the restroom or I need to stop to eat or take care of myself because my schedule is so stacked and because I need to see all of these clients and meet these productivity numbers. So I think those are some examples that come to mind. But maybe in your own experience you know professors too, even at the highest levels of education you know it could be really bad about setting that time aside to take care of themselves. So you know, i'm sure that there are other examples that your listeners and that you yourself can also think of, of just when that time has come up, when we maybe have not advocated for ourselves, or situations where it's not as easy to advocate for our health needs and our comfort.
Speaker 1:It's so interesting because as I hear you talk, you know it's like I hear all of it and I agree with all of it, and yet I will be the first to admit I'm guilty of all of the things you just said. You know where I'm like on a Zoom call and I'm like I really have to go to the bathroom and I just really have to go, but I have to wait until the end of my clinical hour. I have to wait until the end of this meeting. I tend to run cold, kind of personally. So there are sometimes where I'm literally, from the inside out, feel like I'm freezing. You know, like I'm just so cold.
Speaker 1:And you know, the issue of leftovers just came up in my mind yesterday. It was so interesting. You use that word leftovers and we're having this conversation about parents who kind of tend to just accept that I'm the person who's eating the leftovers or or, frankly, getting the emotional leftovers of all of the other things, and just that's just part of kind of my role as a mom, right, and so here's where here's the next question, victoria, i have gotten messages that comfort is a luxury. So like you don't have to be comfortable, you can manage some discomfort, you can deal with discomfort.
Speaker 1:Like you know, comfort is a luxury. That's the messages I've gotten, and so all of these things that I just mentioned, i tolerate because I think, well, you know, other people have it worse than me, other people don't have this, this level of luxury, so why would I expect or need an additional level of luxury, like a sweater, right, exactly, exactly. So how do we shift those messages around? I think the same thing we see messages around self-care is it's not a luxury, it's a priority, all that sort of thing. I think the same thing around comfort is out there. So how do you help educate people who might have messaging like I've received most of my life?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think it starts first and foremost with really addressing that core belief of where did you receive that message that comfort is a luxury? Because I can promise you we are not doing our best work when we're not comfortable. But also and I say this to Supervisors all the time when it comes to self-care, you are deserving of time for yourself, of comfort, whether or not you're working with clients. And what I mean by that is we don't just practice comfort, we don't just prioritize self-care, we don't just prioritize comfort so that you can serve others, but it's a human right. You are deserving of comfort, not as a luxury, but because it is a human right.
Speaker 2:And again, that is a very radical, it's a very different than what we've been taught right Of like your comfort is a luxury. You need to push through this. You need to turn off your cues to your body so that you can get through this as a survival skill. And then they wonder why they can't turn those cues back on and why they develop eating disorders. You know why they develop these psychosomatic symptoms? because they can't tell oh, is this anxiety or does my stomach hurt? So I think that it just addressing those core beliefs around that messaging of you know well, where did that come from, that, this belief that comfort is a luxury? and then I challenge them why do you think that you are undeserving of luxury? Where is this idea that only certain people are deserving of luxury And I love saying this to women, i love saying this to people who are in other marginalized groups that I wanna know where you got this idea, where you internalized that that you are undeserving of luxury even if it is a luxury.
Speaker 2:Even if comfort is a luxury, what makes you undeserving of having some of that luxury?
Speaker 1:And you know, the very next thought that I have even, as you know, I think about some of this work that I do with clients as well is if my luxury or if my comfort right, even if people don't see comfort as a luxury, right? Maybe you're listening, you're like I don't know. No, my comfort is a priority, okay, great. What happens when the messages are around my comfort may inconvenience someone else, right? So middle of the meeting, i have to go to the bathroom. I need you to push pause because I have to go to the bathroom. I just can't do it anymore. What do we do with that message of I don't want to inconvenience anyone else for my comfort. I can just wait. I can just do it later.
Speaker 2:I bet that's showing up in other areas in their life. I bet it's not just with their health. I bet they have prioritized others. So that's the first thing. I start getting curious. Like I'm not thinking about intervention. I start getting curious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm curious about are you prioritizing everybody else above yourself? Is this showing up in other areas outside that meeting? Cause I bet you're thinking about that person before you go to sleep, you're thinking about that meeting before you go to sleep. So that's the first thing is I started to explore. I bet that's not just happening with your health, i bet that's happening in other areas. And then, after we've addressed that core belief right, because it's very hard to go from like one to the other, so what I'm describing here is probably gonna happen over maybe even a year of therapy, yeah, over the course of some sessions.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, yeah, Cause then we start to work on are you inconveniencing them Or are you modeling for them What it looks like to prioritize your comfort, Because when you do that, you get to teach them the same. So when I work with athletes who have experience and injury, who are talking about I feel so this guilt and this shame about and not just athletes parents do. this happens to a lot of people. But when I'm thinking in particular, I experience this guilt and shame of letting my team down or letting my family down, or letting my client down when I have to stop session And we work on turning that around and reframing that of.
Speaker 2:are you doing that or are you modeling for them that it's okay for them to also take care of themselves in that way? Are you modeling for your children? This is what it looks like to feed yourself properly. This is what it looks like to take a break, so that the next time you get overwhelmed or you're feeling yourself get hungry or you know you have to use the restroom, you can listen to that cue, just like your parent did or your caretaker, and you can practice that as well. So I think that's the next step is reframing that you're not inconveniencing them. You are giving them a gift. You're modeling for them what it looks like for them to prioritize their comfort as well, when they might not be receiving that from anywhere else in the world.
Speaker 1:You know, one thing that I wrote down as we were talking just here just a second ago, was I spend a lot of time as a mom, right? So I have four kids, two teenagers and two little guys and I spend a lot of time prioritizing their comfort, and I do that in preparing for what may happen, right? So if we're going somewhere or if we're doing something, i'm thinking about, all right, what do I need in the bag? You know, i think about early moms who have, you know, infants or toddlers, and they've got all the diaper bag filled with all the stuff. You know that we're preparing for spit up and blow out and we're preparing for food, and you know everything. Right?
Speaker 1:It's hard for me to think about a time where I also added my own personal comfort to that list, right? So what am I putting in the bag? What am I prioritizing in that preparation for whatever it is? I think you're absolutely on track to say. I think we are kind of conditioned as parents to take the backseat in that preparation. You know, because sometimes my comfort needs, i need to prepare for what may be coming today or in the next hour, or when we go to grandma's house, for whatever. You know why do we leave ourselves off that list?
Speaker 2:I know we wanted to talk about specific interventions that people could use. So something I might say to a parent who's experiencing the same of you know I find it difficult to prioritize my own comfort, even giving that as homework. If you're a therapist or if you're the client, you know taking that on as maybe a challenge to yourself. I wrote this down. What am I putting in the bag And can you so? this is just habit for me.
Speaker 2:We're just talking about habit for me at this point When you're packing your children's stuff, can you start this habit, and always at that same time, so that it becomes a habit? You're also packing something for yourself, even if it's one thing, even if it's one candy bar or a pair of socks for when you get cold or a sweater, one thing that you can pack along with your kids' bags. That prioritizes your comfort. And all of a sudden, when you're doing that every single time you pack your kids' bag, it's going to become habit. It's going to become oh, I cannot do this activity without also doing this activity. And again, you get to teach your children of this is what it looks like to take care of yourself too. And you're modeling. You even get to model for them this behavior of like this is how I pack for myself, so that they can learn to someday do that for themselves and practice that autonomy themselves. So there's so many benefits that can come. It's not just one benefit. You're benefiting everybody when you prioritize your comfort.
Speaker 1:Into what you said earlier. I am the best version of myself when I feel safe and comfortable in my body. That's the truth. Yeah, i mean, there is no refuting that truth. You know that my overall outlook on life, my interpersonal relationships, my mood, right Everything, is better when I feel safe and comfortable in my body. That's for sure.
Speaker 2:And I know from the trauma research that when you are talking to a traumatized person, when you're talking to a traumatized brain, you're not taking in more information, you're in survival mode. You're not in comfort mode, You are in survival mode And you know you can explore with your therapist too how to get some of those interventions to get out of that mind, to get out of that mode, you know, to find safety again.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, there were so many things. I mean, i have so many more questions for you and we just are running out of time, but I am so excited. I mean even just like leaving this. you know this question what am I putting in the bag? I kind of tend to be a visual learner and I can picture this sort of visual cue for myself if I picture this bag every time I'm getting ready to put things in the bag for my kids. What am I putting in the bag for me and my comfort? I just I couldn't love that more. So okay, until we can do this again, how do people find you? I know you mentioned your website. I wanted to ask you so much more about this other passion project. That needs to be its own episode. How do we take care of folks who are doing home-based and community-based work? But okay, victoria, how do people find you on social? or maybe pop in your website again, and then we definitely have to talk more about this on another episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I'm so excited to share some of those resources. They can find more resources on medical trauma comfort prioritizing comfort on my website, reviewrevivepracticecom. You can also find me on social media at revivepractice And for my home health professionals for my community mental health and home-based care physicians and therapists, you can find me at mycarismyofficecom or at mycarismyoffice on social media.
Speaker 1:It's so good. Thanks for all of this about comfort and really challenging all of us in the way that we kind of view comfort as a priority. So thanks for all that you're doing and all the messaging that you had for us today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for the conversation.
Speaker 1:It's excellent, all right y'all Until next time. Stay safe and stay well.
