Ep 93: The Surprising Impact of Undivided Attention on Parent-Child Connection

No foolin' around here on April Fools' Day! I have a bonus episode for you today!

Have you ever caught yourself glued to your phone while your child tries to share their day? The truth is, you might not realize the impact that undivided attention has on your little ones until you hear us break it down today.
This episode isn't just about eye-opening statistics; it's about action.  It's about leaving with practical tools to weave intentional moments with our children into the tapestry of our bustling lives. From morning questions that kickstart curiosity to bedtime stories that weave dreams, she illustrates how to create lasting bonds in the simplest of gestures. Remember, it's not about filling every second with activity; it's about making those seconds count. Today, you'll be challenged to bookend your days with genuine, focused engagement with your children, transforming your influence and relationships one undistracted moment at a time.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast
 
 Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello, I am Dr Beth Trumon. I'm a licensed psychologist and I specialize in helping teachers and families make words matter for good. I focus on behavioral and communication strategies to increase connection and get our kids to listen to us, which usually decreases our frustration as parents, and today I want to talk a little bit about that connection with our kids. So I think sometimes as parents, we forget the importance of spending time really connecting with each one of our kids. If you have more than one kid, if you have connections with nieces and nephews, kids just crave the connection, even at a one-on-one level on a daily basis. So several years ago I conducted a little survey of parents that I was working with and I asked them how many, how much time every day are you giving your child your undivided, full attention? And when I got the survey back, I was shocked not really shocked in a way that like I didn't believe it, because when I compared it to my own life with my own kids, I realized that I probably wasn't spending much more time than they were suggesting giving every one of my I have four kids, so giving them my full, undivided attention, but it averaged out to about 22 minutes a day, and so I was really shocked at how low that number felt, because if that means I'm spending 22 minutes of their waking hour giving them my attention, then that means the other 23 hours and 38 minutes of the day, and obviously some of that they're sleeping, but they're getting attention from someone or somewhere else. So as a parent, it was something that for me was like wow. Like if I want to have some influence over my own kids and if you want to have influence over your kids, we have to try to move that up a little bit, right. And so you might be saying to me look, beth, like there's no way I don't have that much time or attention to give right to each of my kids, right? 20 minutes a day is pretty good. I want to challenge all of us to examine, like the rest, of the spaces and people that we are giving our full attention to, because, if I'm being honest, the amount of time I'm giving my full attention to my device, to my email, to my favorite show, is probably more than 22 minutes.

Speaker 1: 3:04

So I don't say that to shame you. I certainly don't say that to make you feel bad. What I do say that is to challenge us to be better. So how do you spend time connecting with your kid and how can you expand it from 20 minutes a day? Maybe that's asking a question of the day, right? You can search up question of the day and come up with questions for kids to ask. Kids love to answer questions that they think are funny or silly. If you create it as part of your routines, you know if every morning there's a question posted on a whiteboard or on the microwave, or if every night before bed you ask them what the funniest part of their day was, or ask them to tell you a joke, play a game with them, read a story any of those things.

Speaker 1: 3:56

We're just trying to increase the time that we have influence over the kids that we love, that we want to influence the most, and so I want to leave us with a challenge to what I call bookend our days in the morning and at the end of the day, and maybe even somewhere in the middle. If you have access to your kids at, you know, 12 o'clock or 3 o'clock right after school, that would be about the middle of the day. Try to find intentional time where you can put away the distractions and really hone in and focus specifically and solely on your child. See what happens after you do that for a few days, a few weeks at a time. So I'm going to be right there alongside you, because I need this challenge as much as everybody else. It's been good sharing just a little bit of this with you and until the next time, stay safe and stay well.