Things You Learn in Therapy
Things You Learn in Therapy
The Introverted Therapist's Nightmare
Ever been caught in that awkward moment when someone recognizes you but you can't place them? For therapists living and working in the same community, these encounters create what I call "introverted therapist nightmares"—those uncomfortable moments when professional boundaries and social niceties collide.
In today's conversation, I share how these encounters unfold and why I often tell therapy clients I'll pretend not to know them in public. It's not about being cold or dismissive—it's about protecting confidentiality when they're out with friends or family who might not know they're in therapy. But what happens when roles blur, especially as I've transitioned to more community workshops and training? That moment of panic when someone approaches with a friendly "Hey Beth!" and I'm frantically searching my memory banks trying to determine if they were a client, a workshop participant, or someone else entirely.
The solution came in a beautiful moment of clarity during a recent encounter when someone approached me saying, "Hey Beth, it's me, Jessie. I used to work for the Y." That simple self-identification immediately dissolved any potential awkwardness. Consider this your invitation to adopt this practice—when approaching someone you haven't seen in a while, especially professionals who interact with many people, a quick reminder of how you know each other can be an act of genuine kindness that eases social anxiety on both sides.
Also in this episode, I'm excited to announce that Marie Sloane returns this Friday to share practical techniques for staying regulated when the world around us feels increasingly chaotic. Plus, registration remains open for my virtual Kindergarten Boot Camp starting June 1st—a comprehensive program designed to build social-emotional readiness skills in soon-to-be kindergartners while giving parents concrete tools to support this important transition. Visit bethtrammell.com for more details and to secure your spot! Have you experienced similar social navigation challenges? I'd love to hear your stories and solutions.
www.bethtrammell.com
Hey listener, welcome back. I'm your host, dr Beth Trammell, and this is Things You'll Learn in Therapy. I'm glad you're here. Today is a Monday and I am trying to be better about having some of these Monday episodes where I just share a little snippet about something that's going on and then give us a heads up about what's coming on the podcast this week and anything else that I have going on.
Speaker 1:So I'm titling this episode called an introverted therapist nightmare, and this happens to me a fair amount, and I just wonder if there are other therapists out there that also experienced this where, if you live and work in the same community, inevitably you end up seeing people that you know you have, you know, perhaps a different kind of relationship with. It's not a dual relationship unless you, you know, do something besides just run into them at the grocery store. But you know, when you're a therapist and you have to keep everything private and confidential, when you see people in public, it's not the most ideal situation, right? And in fact I often tell people in the first session if they work with me in therapy. I tell them like, hey, I'm a real person and so you know, I go to the grocery store and I go to the gym and I go to the local pool and parks, and so if I see you out, I will you know. I usually tell them, like, if I see you out, I will ignore you entirely, because it minimizes a lot of the strangeness that you know, if you're a client of mine and you are out with your friends and you don't want them to know, like, who is that curly haired woman who is saying hi to you, right? So I tell folks like I'm not ignoring you because I don't, you know, care for you or appreciate you, it's just I'm protecting your confidentiality.
Speaker 1:Well, what happens sometimes, though, is that, now that I'm doing sort of less clinical work in a one-on-one setting and doing more training or consultation or workshops in the community, or consultation or workshops in the community, then, sometimes, people will come up to me and be like hey, beth, and I'm like hi, this is what I'm calling an introvert, an introverted therapist nightmare, because I love people, I want to care for people, and sometimes I forget how I know you, and so I don't want to be like hey, oh yeah, I remember you were a client of mine, or oh yeah, you were my, you were the parent of a client. So here is what I always appreciate is just today I was. I ran into someone who I hadn't seen in a while, and it just so happened that I actually did remember this person and how I knew them. But they said hey, beth, it's me, it's Jessie, I used to work for the Y and I was like that's amazing. What a beautiful way to introduce yourself to someone that you haven't seen in a while. And so I have decided today that I will share this information with you, in hopes that there are fewer introverted, therapist nightmares happening in the world.
Speaker 1:For those of us who you know, if you're encountering someone that you haven't seen in a while, perhaps just say hey, remember, I'm Beth Trumell, I saw you at this thing. Right, let them know how they know you, because it might actually ease their anxiety. Maybe they are socially anxious, maybe they are also an introvert and they want to love you, they want to remember you, but perhaps they just can't. And it doesn't mean that you should feel offended, it just means throw them a bone, you know? All right, friends, hey, look.
Speaker 1:So this week we have marie sloan coming up on friday. Um, she is a guest that I've had on before and I love, love, love this conversation. Marie always has just such really tangible like really practical things, and so she comes on talking about how we can stay regulated when the world around us seems to be continually dysregulated. She's talking about some very real, practical things that you can do besides. Just, you know, sit in a bubble bath when you're feeling stressed Though some of you may love a bubble bath right, just may not work for everyone all the time and so I love she is going to be coming on the show. That episode will come on Friday.
Speaker 1:I also am still taking spots for my kindergarten boot camp that is happening this summer. Again, remember, this is a parenting boot camp that is all virtual. Essentially, what will happen is we'll have a kickoff, zoom on Sunday June 1st in the evening, and that will be just a kickoff to what's coming. We're going to start by creating behavior plans that will help you and your child as you're teaching them all these new skills this summer, and then from there, each week will be emails with content from me, so it'll be weekly a video of me, kind of teaching short video, maybe 15 to 25 minutes or so, and then any resources that go along with the topic that week and then midway through we'll have another live Zoom where you can ask questions and kind of learn more about a variety of different kindergarten readiness skills. So I'm still accepting folks for that.
Speaker 1:I have a big, audacious goal to have 200 families registered, because I have encountered lots and lots of families who say they're nervous about their child going to kindergarten, and my hope is to help ease that worry for families as they are launching a child into kindergarten. Honestly, also, I'm trying to help parents build skills in their little ones before they go to kindergarten so that we can minimize some of the stress for our kindergarten teachers by kind of preparing them a little bit better with those social emotional skills and I know as a parent myself, sometimes it can feel really overwhelming to think about gosh, how do I teach them all the things that they need to know to get ready for kindergarten? And so I'm going to try. I created a program that I'm trying for the first time this summer and then hopefully we'll offer it every summer after this. So if you have a child who is four and they're not going to kindergarten but you're interested in joining this summer because you want to get a head start, that's great too. We would love to have you. So information is on my website, bethtramelcom, and I think I have it on the upcoming events page and also on the resource page.
Speaker 1:The other thing to know is that these Monday episodes are not edited by my editor. It's why I have kind of kept off the intro and outro music. Phil is my editor and he's going to come on actually in a couple of weeks. His episode will air in a couple of weeks and so I started to feel bad that I was like actually some of the episodes I do like the roughest editing of all together, and so I want to let listeners know those episodes that don't have an intro outro are edited by Beth Trammell with zero background in editing.
Speaker 1:And so if you ever wanted Phil to maybe help you on a project or do some editing for you these episodes, they may sound not great compared to the other ones, and that's not because Phil did a bad job, it's because he didn't do the job at all. So anyway, just another little FYI about the podcast. So I look forward to hopefully seeing more folks registered for kindergarten boot camp. Would love to work with you if you have a kindergartner or a four-year-old who you're looking to, kind of get some better parenting tools for social, emotional things. Would love to have you sign up and I hope you enjoy Marie's episode this week. Ciao, until next week.
