Things You Learn in Therapy
Things You Learn in Therapy
Ep 150: Enough Already: A Kinder Take on Resolutions
New year hype can feel loud, heavy, and strangely hollow. But what if we went a different way: rather than chasing a brand-new identity, we explored how to uncover the version of you that’s already here—and make choices that protect it. That shift—from “I must become better” to “Better is already here; I will clear space for it”—changes how resolutions feel and how long they last.
We break down the hidden math of decisions: every yes contains a no. When you say yes to scrolling, you may be saying no to meal prep, connection, or sleep. Naming these quiet tradeoffs turns autopilot into intention, without shame. We also tackle the comparison trap that thrives on social media, the pressure to make goals “Instagrammable,” and why true change often looks boring from the outside. The conversation moves toward boundaries and aligned commitments: fewer automatic obligations, more deliberate yeses that return you to yourself.
If you’re ready to trade pressure for presence and craft habits that survive past January, this one’s for you. Listen, reflect, and then tell us what you’ll say yes to this week. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a gentler reset, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show.
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www.bethtrammell.com
Hello, listener, welcome back and happy new year. I am so glad you're here. I am Dr. Beth Tremel, the host of Things You Learn in Therapy, and I want to talk a little bit about this idea of New Year's resolutions, right? So it's January, it's a new year, we have all this excitement, and many of us may think, hey, I'm gonna do a New Year's resolution again. And some of you may think, I'm not doing a New Year's resolution because it never works for me. Wherever you land, I hope this conversation will be helpful for you in whatever this 2026 has for you. So a couple of thoughts that I had uh yesterday as I was driving home from travels with family, and you know, I think there is this temptation in a new year to be like, I'm gonna be a new me. I'm gonna be just the best version of me, and that might last you four or five days. Look, even I have had moments in the last 24 hours where I thought, oh yeah, I want to do this and this and this and this. And as I step back to reflect, perhaps you also could reflect with me and thinking, what if it's not, I need a new year, a new me? What if it's the better me already exists inside of me? It just needs to be uncovered, it needs to be brought forth, it needs to be uh less distracted by so many other things, right? What if, what if instead of thinking I need to be better, I need to do better, what if I allowed myself to have the freedom to say inside of me already is better? I just need to have a different narrative around that, right? So I think even I fall into this um comparison game, right? Where I am on social media or I see other people doing things, and then I think, oh, I gotta do more, oh, I gotta do better, oh I gotta do this. And I think that narrative can sometimes be a distraction, right? It can be something that keeps us in this state of I am not enough and I'm not doing enough. And perhaps that's the lie that we need to reject and let go of this year. So what if instead of I need to be more, be better, it's I already am good enough. I am enough, and I need to stop allowing the world to get into this narrative in my mind that tells me I should be something else. Let's start believing our own narrative this year. You know, the other thing I think about when I think that, hey, maybe this already lives in us is I think sometimes we say yes to things that are what we think we should do instead of those things that are inherently good to the version of us that we want to put forth in the world, right? So maybe we have this uh feeling of obligation to say yes to this family event or this thing that just doesn't bring us joy. And I think all of us have those things, right? I'm not saying, oh yeah, you just never do anything that um, you know, is just still good for the world, even if you don't feel like it. But I just think sometimes we're saying yes to things that we don't have to say yes to anymore, right? And I'm even talking about those things that you're not recognizing you're saying yes to, myself included, right? So if I'm saying yes to scrolling, I'm saying no to other things. Every yes has an inherent no. And if we were to make decisions day by day, saying, I'm saying yes to scrolling, and so I'm saying no to fill in the blank. I'm saying yes to scrolling, so I'm saying no to uh meal prepping. I'm saying yes to scrolling, and so I'm saying no to time with my partner, my kids, my family. I'm saying yes to binging Netflix. So I'm saying no to whatever it is, right? I just wonder how our decision making would be different if we said out loud or even in our mind, right now I'm saying yes to this, and so that must mean I'm saying no to this other thing. Look, I'm not saying this to sound judgy or blaming. I'm saying this for you as much as me, my friend. But I really do think that if we can slow down our decision making and do them more intentionally, we may find more fulfillment, more joy, more happiness this year. So we're gonna stop saying yes to other things that um to those things that maybe aren't fulfilling us. And we're gonna start saying yes to those things that are giving the world the best version of us. Start saying yes to those things that are giving the world the best version of us. You know, I um do this talk on self-care for teachers, where uh, you know, I think sometimes when you're in a helping profession, you can um pretty easily be in this mode of like give, give, give, and then there's not there's not anything left for the people that love you, you know. And so I sometimes reframe it as self-care and taking care of yourself and and doing things that you know you need to do to be the best version of yourself is actually a gift to the people you work with. It's a gift, the people you work to serve. And so perhaps that reframe is what you need today, also, is that taking care of yourself isn't uh selfish or a luxury. It is actually a gift to those people because when you show up as the best version of yourself, it really is good for everyone around you. So it's really interesting because I think sometimes we want to be doing things that are Instagrammable, right? That things that I can post, things that I can share. And I think there is value in doing it for the right reason. And I think there's also value in not having to announce what these new ideas are for you, right? Some people like myself, I kind of need to say it out loud to people. It is the thing that helps hold me accountable. Other people, that might not be you, right? Maybe announcing it is too much pressure and you don't have to do that this year, right? And so I think you have to decide this kind of way of thinking about being the best version of yourself in 2026. Do you need to announce it or not? Do you need to announce it on social media? Or perhaps you need to just announce it to a good friend. I think that could be equally as powerful, just to share it with a friend, and that might be the accountability that you need without the pressure of having to post it on social media. Hey friend, listen, I am going to repost uh the conversation with Dr. Michael Alsey on uh rethinking New Year's resolutions to give you another perspective. I actually invited Dr. Alsey to come on again. You will hear from him again uh later this year. I'm really excited. I always enjoy time um with Dr. Alse. And so um tune in to that episode, even if you've listened before, maybe you listen with fresh ears. And I look forward to hearing from you. Reach out, let me know what um what your resolutions are, whether you're not a resolutions person, whether this conversation and reflection was helpful to you. You can email me, Beth, at makewordsmatterforgood.com. Would love to hear from you. And until next week, friend, stay safe, stay well, and ciao.
