Things You Learn in Therapy
Things You Learn in Therapy
Ep 152: From Timeouts to Teaching Skills: What Works for Kids
What if your teen can name every mental health term on TikTok but still freezes when big feelings hit? We dig into that gap between awareness and coping, sharing how parents can move from fear or frustration to calm, right‑sized responses that keep communication open. You’ll hear practical language for starting hard conversations about anxiety, depression, and suicide without causing panic, plus a simple framework for spotting when your reaction comes from your child’s behavior versus your own history or comparison.
We also shift to the preschool years to rethink timeouts. Yes, they can stop behavior in the moment, but interruption isn’t education. We break down how regulation comes first—ours and theirs—and why teaching works best after the storm has passed. Expect concrete alternatives you can try today: time‑in for co‑regulation, choices with limits that preserve safety and autonomy, and do‑overs that build replacement skills like asking, pausing, and repairing. These tools help little kids feel seen and capable while reducing the daily tug‑of‑war.
Along the way, we preview new episodes featuring conversations on chronic illness, the concept of overfunctioning, and the shifts reshaping the therapy field. If you want the full workshop audio, email Beth@ MakeWordsMatterforgood.com with “audio for teen session number one,” and check the site’s upcoming events for the next free sessions on screens, motivation, school, and big feelings. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs support today, and leave a quick review to help others find us.
www.bethtrammell.com
Hello, listener. Welcome back. This is Things You'll Learn in Therapy, and I am Dr. Beth Tremell. I wanted to share a few things with you. Today, I just got done recording today. Three new episodes with some amazing guests, some um guests that you will recognize from previous episodes, and some new guests that we haven't had on the show before. And so I'm really excited about uh what some of these conversations are going to uh maybe bring to you. And so um those will be coming in the next three weeks. But for today, I thought I would share some of the themes of um some of the two workshops that I had this week uh on Sunday and Monday. So Sunday's session was with parents of teenagers, and we had such a great uh turnout and a great kind of conversation uh around how do we make sure that we are responding well to our teenager's mental wellness. And so the title was about not overreacting and underreacting. And uh a big part of my message for that group was trying to stay focused on um one, what triggers us. And sometimes the things that trigger us are not actually things that we need to respond to in our kids. They're just kind of our own history, our own trauma, our own um worries or comparison. And it's not actually anything related to your child or what kind of would matter to your child. One of the other key components that came out of that uh talk was also how while we need to know about our triggers, we also really need to take care of ourselves well so that we're not having strong emotional reactions that aren't actually in alignment to what's really going on. And so um making sure you're taking time for yourself so that you can stay level-headed. And that way, when your teenager comes to you with something that um is going on for them, you can have an appropriate response, not an emotionally driven response. The thing that I shared um with the group later um was the tricky thing about mental health is that our teenagers, um, particularly those teenagers who have access to social media, are more aware. I'll say it that way. Um, they're more aware of mental health, but they're not necessarily more equipped, right? So they may know more about depression, anxiety, suicide. They maybe see those things more on social media or hear about them, but they aren't necessarily more equipped to manage their thoughts or reactions to those things. And so um, I would encourage you to have a conversation with your teenager about some of those things. Like, what do you know about mental health? What have you what have you seen on social media? What do you know about depression? What does anxiety mean to you? Have you ever heard of suicide? Have you had thoughts of suicide? Um, I know some of those uh conversations might feel scary at first, but the more you can talk about those things, the more they'll become kind of commonplace. So if your child has uh friends, they're probably talking about these things with their friends, and we just may not be aware of what's going on for them. So those were a couple of kind of key moments. Um, I'm debating whether or not I'll share the entire audio from the whole session or not. I may pick pieces of it to share, but that was kind of the uh cliff notes version. If you are interested in hearing the whole version, um I'd be happy to add you to the follow-up email that came out to the folks that were there. And you can hear the audio in your inbox. That was kind of the concession I made about recording the session in case people wanted to listen back. Um, I didn't use the video, but I used the audio of me talking. So if that's something that would interest you, feel free to reach out, Beth, at MakeWordsMatterforgood.com. Say audio for teen session number one. Free teen session number two is gonna happen in a month. Be checking out the upcoming events uh portion on my website. If you're a parent of a teen or you know a parent of a teen, we're gonna be talking about screens, motivation, and school, the next um free 30-minute session. So the preschool session was also uh super fun to dig into, where we talked about alternatives to timeout. So I was either um everyone's favorite person or um a person who they did not necessarily want to hear from when I was talking about how there are additional alternatives to timeout. So the kind of key component there is not that timeouts may not be effective at disrupting the child's um behavior, right? So you might be listening and saying, well, listen, I use timeouts and my kids listened and they did a good job. I'm not saying they don't, I'm just saying timeouts um aren't necessarily created for skill development, they're created for behavior disruption. So it's stopping them from doing whatever it is that um they're doing wrong, but it's not really teaching them a new skill to do instead. And so I use time out with my own kids, and so I'm not saying it's a never use it again situation, but more it's a maybe there's other ways that could be helpful also. And so we talked about how staying regulated ourselves is the kind of first key because no teaching can happen when they're dysregulated and we're dysregulated, right? So everybody's screaming and that's not gonna be helpful. Also, the teaching or the skill development must happen once everyone is calm. And so that might be minutes or hours or even days later, but it may um, it's certainly not going to be happening in the middle of the meltdown. So um those are a couple of um kind of key components, and the same thing is true there. If you want access to the full 30-minute uh class, the full minute or 30-minute audio, feel free to reach out and let me know. I can add you to the list. The next session for um that group will be in three weeks, and um that session will be on big feelings, small humans, how to respond without losing your cool. So that will be Monday, February 9th at 10 a.m. Also listed on my website's upcoming events link. So I am so excited to share these new episodes with you. Chronic illness, um, over functioning, which is a term that I am in love with now. Uh I mean, not that it's happening to me or anyone else, but just having a label, I think, is always very helpful. And then um the shifts that are happening in our field and uh kind of two therapists' take on that. So those are coming up in the next couple of weeks, and I'm sure you'll hear from me intermittently between now and then. If there's something you want to share with me, would love to hear from you. Feel free to email me. And if there's a topic you want to have covered on the podcast or a guest that you'd love to invite, feel free to reach out. Would love to hear from you. Stay safe, stay well. And if you're in the Midwest, y'all, stay warm.
