Things You Learn in Therapy
Things You Learn in Therapy
Ep157: From ABCs To EQ: Rethinking Kindergarten Readiness
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Forget the checklist of letters and numbers. The real predictor of a strong start to school is whether a child feels safe, can settle their body, and can use words to get their needs met. We walk through a practical, research-aligned way to rethink kindergarten readiness so families spend time on what actually moves the needle in a real classroom.
Across the conversation, we share what teachers see every fall: kids who manage frustration, follow group directions, and handle transitions learn more, faster. We break readiness into five clear pillars—emotion regulation, communication, relationship skills, independence, and adult alignment—and show how each one shows up in daily routines like lining up, circle time, sharing materials, and cleaning up. Instead of vague advice, you’ll hear precise language you can use today: “You’re having a big feeling. Let’s figure this out together,” and “I can’t understand you when you’re whining. Try again with your calm voice.” These scripts validate emotion, set limits, and teach self-control without a power struggle.
We also dig into the messy middle of behavior change. Training works, but it takes repetition and accountability. Expect pushback when you stop rewarding whining or avoidance, and hold steady with predictable phrases and calm follow-through. Then we zoom out to the most overlooked piece of readiness: adult alignment. When home and school use consistent words and expectations, kids spend less effort decoding the rules and more effort learning letters, sounds, and early math. That consistency is the hidden efficiency that turns small daily wins into lasting confidence.
Looking for structure before August? We preview an eight-week Make Words Matter Kindergarten Readiness Framework that centers regulation, communication, and adult consistency to help families build these skills step by step. If you’re preparing a rising kindergartner—or supporting one at school—this conversation offers clear priorities, usable scripts, and a kinder, smarter roadmap to the first day. Subscribe, share with a caregiver or teacher, and leave a review telling us which script you’ll try this week.
This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast
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Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com
www.bethtrammell.com
Rethinking Readiness Beyond Academics
Learning Needs Regulation First
What Teachers Say Truly Matters
Five Core Readiness Areas
Scripts For Calm Communication
Training, Consistency And Accountability
Summer Readiness Framework Announcement
Final Encouragement And Closing
SPEAKER_00Hello, friend. I am glad you are here. I am Dr. Beth Truman, I'm a psychologist, and I love to talk about how we can make words matter for good. I want to talk today about kindergarten readiness. So I have spent the last, I don't know, well, about 20 years working with kids and families, but um the last 10 years or so doing more work in schools and preschools. And this idea of kindergarten readiness comes up a lot because I think teachers obviously really want children to be ready for kindergarten. But I think parents also want for their kids to be ready for kindergarten. And sometimes we are focused on the wrong things. And so if you have a child entering kindergarten this fall, you might be wondering: can they write their name? Do they know their letters? Can they count to a hundred? And today I wonder if we might ponder. I actually think we're asking the wrong first questions. Kindergarten readiness isn't academic first, it's emotional first. So this idea really is rooted in the science of how we learn. We know that going to school is going to require a lot of learning. But we can't learn if we're not regulated. Nobody learns when we are not sure what we're supposed to do with our bodies. We don't feel safe in the space. We are in a new environment. And so perhaps instead of worrying first about can they write their name? Do they know their letters? Can they count to 100? Though I want them to be able to do those things, I don't think those are our first questions. I don't think those are the most important questions that we should be asking, right? So we've been kind of thinking about this in terms of, well, we want to be able to measure like, do they recognize letters? Do they have early reading skills? Do they have early math skills? We are really focused on getting kids to sit down and fill out a worksheet and really focused on what do other kids, we're comparing them to other kids. And what I hear from teachers is that they are reporting that what makes the biggest difference in kindergarten success is not just those early reading skills. And in fact, sometimes it's not at all those early reading skills. It's the emotion regulation skills, the flexibility, the ability to communicate with their friends and their peers. And a big part of this is their ability to function in a group. So they have to be able to tolerate other people in space. They have to be able to stand in line. They have to be able to follow a group instruction when the teacher makes um, you know, an announcement to the whole class, they have to be able to follow along with that. That's just the way schools are set up. I wish, and I've been in lots of meetings where I've said, I wish that every child could have a one-on-one. I wish that was true, but that's just not how our schools are created. And so what actually predicts kindergarten readiness, when I think about it, I think about kind of five core areas. The first is emotion regulation, right? Can your child recover from frustration? Can they manage frustration at even kind of a basic level? We see a lot of frustration management issues, even into early elementary. So I have a lot of eight and nine-year-olds who kind of struggle with emotion regulation, but that is a huge part of managing frustration. Can they handle correction without melting down? Right? Can they have somebody say to them, that's not okay, that's not right, or you can't do that? The second kind of core area is communication. Can they express their needs with words instead of behavior? Can they express their needs with words instead of shutting down or instead of disengaging, right? That communication skill at kind of a basic level is a core area of kindergarten readiness. Relationship skills, can they navigate with peers with support, right? Most teachers are not going to just expect them to be able to navigate conflict, but they have to be able to do it with support. That means they have to communicate with friends. That means they have to tolerate friends. That means they have to share with friends. They need to give attention away from two other friends, right? So when the teacher is talking to somebody else, they have to be able to tolerate that the teacher is not giving attention to them. So those relationship skills are the third core area. Independence is an important kindergarten readiness skill, right? Can they follow simple routines and transitions? There are a lot of transitions in the kindergarten classroom. And getting your child to be able to follow those kind of simple routines and transitions is so critical. And then the fifth core area is adult alignment. And that's really where parents and teachers come in. It's where the parent-teacher relationship matters a lot. But also are the adults in their world using consistent language. And so that which is happening at school, is that similar to what we are doing at home and vice versa. So one of the most overlooked parts of kindergarten readiness is that adult alignment. When adults use predictable regulating language, children feel safer and safer, kids learn better. So when we think about communication strategies even now. So when your kid is having a meltdown, instead of saying you're fine, maybe you might try saying you're having a big feeling. Let's figure this out together. We have to be able to let them see that we are in some of this with them and we are here to teach them. Instead of saying, stop whining, maybe we say, I can't understand you when you're whining. Try again with your calm voice. And if they keep whining, you can say, try again, and I'm here when you're ready. Whining is one of those things that is really effective at getting our attention. And it's also highly trainable. Highly trainable means we have to really require them to be able to use that voice the way we need them to. And the unfortunate part about behavior that we're trying to change at this age is that it is going to continue to need training. You might think, well, Beth, I've tried saying I'll wait for you when you're done whining and you can use your calm voice. And it worked once and then it didn't work 10 times. I know that's the part of training kids that makes it kind of hard. Is that uh they need that level of, I hate the word consistency, but I'm gonna use it here. But more than that, it is accountability and holding our ground. Okay, so over the next few months, I'm gonna be sharing more about what I am creating. Um, I am calling this the Make Words Matter Kindergarten Readiness Framework. Last year we did a summer boot camp, and um, I have kind of revamped that and included some additional things, got feedback from the folks who went through the first time. And so the Make Words Matter Kindergarten Readiness Framework is gonna be coming this summer. Um, it's really a way of thinking about readiness that centers on regulation, communication, and adult consistency. And so we're gonna be um doing that again this summer. So I'll be working with a cohort of families that will go through an eight-week time together. So there'll be a kind of a start date, an end date where we'll be building these skills intentionally in a step-by-step together framework before kindergarten begins. And so if that resonates with you, stay tuned. I'll be sharing more this spring. And just a reminder that kindergarten readiness is really not just on uh your shoulders. I want you to feel supported by all of this. So kindergarten readiness isn't about perfection, it's about preparation. And preparation starts with the words that we use every day. Stay tuned, more to come. Thanks for listening today. And until next time, stay safe and stay well, friends. Ciao.
