Ep166: When One More Thing Is Too Much with Jacque Tyrrell

One small request can feel like a breaking point when you’ve already been carrying too much and you’re not sure where the extra capacity is supposed to come from. We sit with that exact moment, the “I’m quitting everything” feeling, and unpack why it shows up for so many people across work, parenting, relationships, and caregiving. When overwhelm hits, it’s rarely about the final task. It’s about the invisible load behind it.

Our guest, therapist and private practice owner Jacque Tyrrell, helps us name the hidden cost of constant adjusting: the emotional energy it takes to pivot, replan, brace for outcomes, and regulate fear over and over again. We also talk about how quickly we label that internal work as “rumination,” and how reframing it can replace shame with compassion. If you’ve ever wondered why a “tiny” detail like a school form can trigger tears, this conversation offers a grounded explanation that actually fits real life.

We also keep it honest about privilege and access. Not everyone can outsource tasks or carve out time for ideal self-care, and advice that ignores that can feel like one more demand. We share practical strategies that scale: delegating where you can, communicating what’s realistic, sorting tasks by urgency, loosening perfectionism, and choosing one next step instead of ten. If you’re tired of hustle culture telling you to push harder, this episode offers a better question: what do you have the capacity for right now?

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who’s carrying a lot, and leave a review so more listeners can find the show. What’s the “one more thing” that feels like too much lately?

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Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com

Transcript

Welcome And The Big Feeling

SPEAKER_01 0:12

All right, welcome back, listener. I'm your host, Dr. Beth Tremell, and I am excited you're here on the podcast Things You Learn in Therapy. I hope that today we can learn something that we often talk about in therapy. And I know that this topic comes up not just in therapy, but in your living room, in your office, in the car pickup line, and anywhere that you receive a phone call about something, I just think this topic's gonna come up. It's gonna be something that a lot of folks are going to uh resonate with. And so um, Jackie, you're back to talk about, you know, when one thing feels like too much. I think I'm really excited to unpack this because I think when we just started talking about this idea of one thing just being too much, we both had different interpretations about how that mattered to us in our life, both personally and professionally. And I'll bet listeners also have their own idea. But at the core of this is that almost everyone on the planet has had this thought before. This one thing just feels like too much. And so we're gonna unpack that. Before we do, tell us a little bit about you. I'm so glad you're here and tell us something fun that's going on for you. Hi, Beth.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yeah, I'm I'm happy to return as always. And my name is Jackie Tyrell. For those who haven't heard one of our episodes, I highly encourage you to go back. I think our talks are always so much fun. I am a private practice owner in the state of Maryland, continuing education content creator, um, which has been a lot of fun, like diversifying myself in that kind of creative space.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

I love that. And I know that that is part of what we talked about last time is some of this content creation that you're doing. And I think it's always interesting, both to share with other therapists who might be listening or to students who might be listening. In training, we learn so much about the work of being a good therapist, but we don't necessarily learn that much about like other avenues that I think a lot of therapists are going down right now. And that's not necessarily what we're going to talk about, although it might be related to kind of how this started for you. And so I think when we have this heart to help people and, you know, asterisk make money, right? Like this is still a business for us. And so um coming up with additional revenue streams, I feel like that is yeah, big, big topic in our kind of talking a lot about it's like, okay, well, how do I have those additional revenue streams and um still do great work with my clients and still feel grounded in the work I'm doing without it feeling like too much and too many things. So I don't know if that's where we're headed first, but I just want for you, I wanted to first acknowledge how brave you are for stepping out of the kind of confinement of therapy space. I know that sometimes doing that therapy work, you show up, you see your client, you go home, you don't have to be in this kind of like public facing. You know, there's there's risk involved in kind of stepping out of doing the stuff that you were really highly trained for. And so bravo to you for stepping out and doing some of that content creation. So I'm excited about working on that.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

I feel very seen. Yeah, I love that.

unknown 3:42

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Um, and it is, I think it's a creative avenue that has allowed me to, you know, connect with people in a new way and not as energizing, it's inspiring. Um, it it allows me to uh think in a a different way, right? So because when we're trying when we're trying to explain things to to clients, uh we often have a very set way that we explain things to clients. But then when we when we try to shift that into how do I explain this to practitioners, the language changes. Our approach changes. And so seeing that shift and like feeling that creativity in the the translation has been a lot of fun for me.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

It is a challenge to like shift your creative mind and the language and the way you can see it and share it. And so, you know, the two words you used were energized and inspired. And so I love that you're finding that outlet because I think we have to do that, right? We just have to do that. I think we have to do that in every field, but I think in our field in particular, it's so critical to stay away from burnout so we can do those things that energize us. You're smiling. Tell me about that.

When One More Thing Breaks You

SPEAKER_00 4:55

It's interesting that you because I I was, as you were speaking, I was thinking to myself how ironic it is that we're talking about creative outlets at the time that we're also talking about one thing too being too many, because uh creative outlets is sometimes one of the solutions to helping relieve that feeling of one thing too many. But then there's this like other side to creativity that can also snowball into that feeling of one thing too many, so it's a careful balance.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

I mean, I think that that's at the heart of what we're gonna talk about, right? Is how do we find that balance of I know I need to do this thing, or I don't actually want to do this thing, but it has now been thrusted upon me and I have to do this thing. And how can I do that without losing the balance?

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Yes, yes, it's like I I think that's at the core of the issue.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

And so now I'm being brought into the situation of why I brought this topic to the table today. And it is this reality where I um am faced with a lot of different carrying tasks. I I don't want to spend too much time unpacking the exact things because Beth and I would need to charge you for your time. Um, but just say it it's a lot. It's a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, it's a lot of different decision making, it's a lot of things that would deeply impact me if the decision isn't made. And so, you know, I think a lot of us are carrying those micro decisions from day to day and um sometimes projects that are loaded onto us that also cause us to need to shift our focus or shift our attention, and then something else unexpected on the road comes and everything that we've been building momentum for and trying to prepare ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, all those things brings it to a halt.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

When I think about this, I, you know, metaphors that I have used with clients in the past or even in my own life, right? It's like, oh my gosh, I have all these balls in the air, right? I think that metaphor is used a lot, or I have so many irons in the fire. I think we we have these metaphors that we use where folks are like, I have a lot going on, and then all of a sudden, or maybe not all of the sudden, but often it's kind of like this unexpected thing happens, and then it feels like everything is going to come unraveled. And that feeling is horrible. That feeling of everything coming unraveled or all the balls falling and dropping. And I think that's a real fear that we hold on to when we have too many things going on that something unexpected is going to come up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I'm actually, this is making me think of a particular client off the top of my head. And while I won't share too much of her personal information, I think her situation can feel very relatable to folks. She's in the midst of choosing to leave the career that she has worked her entire life in forging, and she has a very close relationship to this field and um went into it for very personal reasons and loves it and has a lot of passion, but the field is changing very rapidly and and there's a lot of loss of control on her behalf, the autonomy and what shit she can have. And so she's she's now faced with this decision. Like, I know I need to go, but like my heart is torn to shreds.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Yeah, I um I think that that does become additional angst for folks who are facing, and whether it's a career change or it's a relationship change, it's a location change. I mean, I think people will be able to relate to this idea of I kind of know what I need to do, and it's still really hard. And I don't really want to, but I also know staying or not making some sort of move or decision isn't great for me either.

A Client Facing Hard Change

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah. Well, uh I think the fact of the matter is we live in a world that asks us to constantly adjust. So, and then we do, right? And then we find ways to do it. We find ourselves being resilient, we find we find ourselves getting through it, we find ourselves figuring it out, making the hard choices, and then it just doesn't stop, right? Like sometimes, sometimes it does, and it can be a great relief. And sometimes you might have windows where you uh can have some peace and um stability, but then like it sometimes, especially if the if the topic of change is heavier, that can be the one thing to make. Okay, I just did 20 adjustments, you know. Why do I need to make this one?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

You know, it's if this one too much thing is kind of thrust upon us, sometimes what makes it really hard is sort of our resistance to that. Our resistance may look like, well, it's not fair that I should have to take this on, or I can't believe that this is happening to me right now. The one thought I kept having was, you know, the person who has a lot of stuff going on, and then suddenly they get sick and it's like right now, this is happening right now. And I think sometimes our reaction um and our kind of like digging our heels in, and I'm not gonna, you know, I don't want to accept that this thing is gonna be true. I just wonder how much that kind of adds to the the like suffering of this thing that is kind of inevitable. I don't know. What are your thoughts around that?

Resistance To The Unchosen Task

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Yeah, I I think that mental stuck or block, I is that one's kind of hard to name and probably hard to name for a lot of people. Um, comes from a lot of different places. And it can absolutely be a sign that like you to slow down and and to kind of go through one thing at a time, so you're not going through all of the things all at the same all at the same time. Um, is I think the reaction that you're describing is saying they are going through all of the things all all at the same time instead of one thing at a time.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Yeah, you know, it definitely feels like I can't do just one thing at a time. You know, I talk to folks, I know you probably have folks in your clinical practice. I know I feel like this sometimes where I'm like, I wish I could just like sit down and you know, my my sister and I often laugh because she's like, her kids sometimes are like, Well, mom, what are you gonna do today? And she she she's like, Well, I'm just gonna sit around and eat bonbons all day, you know. I'm just doing nothing. Don't try to Peggy Bundy. Right. Like, I'm just gonna do nothing, you know? And it's like, I have six million things, five million of which I won't get to today. And so it's hard to get through, you know, what feels like all of these pressures that we have. And then when it does feel like one more thing is being added, it's like, no, I'm quitting everything.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yes. And well, so and that this is part of the middle ground, right? The middle ground conversation that we had on our last episode. It definitely can throw you into this all or nothing. And you know, like it's valid. That is your nervous system telling you something, your nervous system is screaming, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

I um I I probably, you know, once a month will say this to myself. I'm quitting everything. And it's an invitation for me to then reevaluate why is it that I'm I'm in this position. And for me, it is often difficulty with finding and then committing to the right yes, and then having appropriate boundaries to the best no. Some of these things kind of happen to us, like you were describing. And then I think there are other things that sometimes it's because we're not having great boundaries that we have too many things. And then it's like, yeah, you you literally have too many things.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yes, it definitely can cross over. So, yeah, we're talking about kind of two different ideas, like one where there's maybe a life track where there's not necessarily a whole lot of uh circle of control, and uh you're kind of stuck navigating all these different micro or even major things. Um, and then there's this other life track where you're not setting enough boundaries or firm enough boundaries to protect your time, and that causes that sense of uh, okay, one thing too much.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Okay, so let's go back to this idea of these things that are not always within our control.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Yes.

Privilege Support And Access Limits

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Kind of these things that happen that aren't within our control. And, you know, we kind of touched on how sometimes you have to kind of get past that mental stuckness of I wish this weren't happening. I don't want this to happen. I don't like that this is happening. And how do we then kind of cope with this thing? Because I think you and I both know both, I mean, I'm just kind of assuming, I guess personally, you also struggle with things that feel outside of your control from time to time, right? I think almost everyone does. From time to time, we get kind of caught up in I know this is outside of my control, but it's still hard for me to deal with. And I wonder if that is also part of the struggle here, when it feels like it's too much and it feels out of our control, like I didn't choose this, I didn't get to, I don't have control over this. Sometimes it makes it hard to deal with.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Yeah. Well, and and and parts of this conversation do have to do kind of overlap with thy uh concepts of privilege. You know, so when a single mother is juggling raising three children um and ha, you know, has to go to work because she needs to make the money to put the food on the table and she has to take the kids uh to and from school and make sure that they're dressed in all of these uh different responsibilities that many single mothers absorb as a result of being a single mother. So all of those things, yeah. I mean, technically she could neglect, right? Some one of those roles, but that's also considered neglect.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Yeah, I mean, I love that we're bringing up this idea of privilege. When we talk about one thing that feels like too much, it matters. Privilege matters every day, all the time. And realizing that this one too much, I don't get to control it and I don't get to avoid it.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Yeah. When I was thinking about how I was going to give your audience ideas on how to cope and manage that one thing being too many, that was one of the things I kept revisiting as I don't want to create the illusion that all of these tools are something that somebody can access.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Um, and because all of these tools are not always accessible to everyone. And so I think it's important to approach these conversations with that awareness and and to give that person extra like understanding and and empathy.

unknown 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Like you are really in a position where everything is on you and there's a really big lack of support.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Yes, structurally. Yes, structurally, yes, yes, yeah. I love this reminder about also approaching this conversation with humility and curiosity and not judgment, like, oh, well, if you would just do this, then you wouldn't be overwhelmed, or if you would just do this, then you wouldn't have too much or too many things, right? It's like, well, just say no, sure. Mm-hmm. I mean, I think about that with self-care too. I mean, we we may or may not get to self-care, but I feel that same way that it's like, okay, yeah, I can have a whole conversation. I actually just presented about this at a conference, self-care. And I always approach this with for some folks, one thing too many.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

It really is. Even the self-care part can feel like one too many. Like you're asking this person that's already juggling a hundred things to do one more thing that feels unobtainable to them.

Self-Care That Feels Impossible

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Yeah. And in fairness, it literally is one more thing, right? So I'm saying, hey, literally, get home from work and you get home from your double shift, or you get home from, you know, picking up the kids and getting through homework and then getting through, you know, meal time and then dishes. And then I'm saying, yeah, read a book for leisure. It may not be something that everyone sees as a big thing, but we all know that if there are a lot of things, I do this like plate demonstration when I talk to folks about like the number of things on their plate, and I have them like hold uh, you know, a big platter on their hand on just their fingertips, like imagine themselves as like a waiter or waitress, right? And then I put all these books and these like different objects on top of this plate, and then I say, like, just hold that all right there, you know? And then when it when it becomes very heavy and your arm is really tired and you have a lot of things on your plate, both literally and figuratively, it only takes a tiny thing for everything to fall off the plate. I think that visualization is sometimes helpful for people who find themselves like, oh my gosh, I'm overwhelmed by having to turn in my kid's picture form. You know, it's like I am sobbing in the pickup line because I forgot the picture form. And it feels like such a tiny thing, Jackie. Like, why am I having a meltdown in the pickup line? About the picture form. And it's really not just about the picture form. That's at the heart of what we're trying to remind folks is that this isn't just about the picture form. This is about so many other things, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Yes, yeah, for sure. There's a a lot of hidden cost to constantly adjusting. So that is really what you're carrying. It's not the picture form. It's this every pivot requires emotional energy. Every pivot requires reassessing plans, regulating fear, managing disappointment, and reorienting to what now. And then people blame themselves for feeling tired instead of recognizing that this repeated adjustment is work and that the body and mind eventually are going to need some rest.

Hidden Costs Of Constant Adjusting

SPEAKER_01 20:05

I actually really love this reframe because I think it might be helpful for folks to think about this reframe that it's not just that you have back to back to back to back appointments. It might not be that you also aren't sure how you're gonna pay for said third appointment, or you're afraid of results that you're gonna get at said fourth appointment next week. I think this reframe of saying there are hidden costs to this adjustment, the emotional and cognitive adjustments between different parts of who we are, different roles we're in, different levels of protection around what I'm stepping into, levels of preparation. I mean, I think when we can pause to think about this idea of re-adjusting and reorienting to all of the different parts, I actually really love this reframe and how exhausting that is.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah. Well, uh, this is coming from somebody who has had a lifetime of having to constantly adjust. So I think I have a very personal uh uh perspective on this. And and by somebody who was practically trained and literally trained to think of all of the different elements.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Let's chat a little bit more about that. So when we pause to think about this, like constant adjustment, how else do you kind of see this showing up? Because I'm having all these thoughts in my mind, but I'm curious how else you see this sort of constant adjustment showing up for folks.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

It shows up in micro ways and in ways sometimes are not always able to name in a session. So it's only when we start zooming in on the surface it can look like rumination, right? So what we would, as therapists, label as rumination going through scenario. Over and over and over and over again to uh plot out a path, to make sure we're covering all the basis, to make sure that we're saying the right things, that we're covering all the right things, that we didn't make a mistake, that we're that we're making up for the mistakes that we have made. All of those little tiny questions that uh appear in somebody's mind that we label as rumination are exactly most of the time a result of this constant adjustment.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

I just am so interested to know if listeners are having this same sort of epiphany, right? Yeah, no wonder I'm tired. No one, no wonder it feels like whiplash on a random Wednesday. I wonder if folks are having this realization about how much shifting internally is really happening for them. I'm not sure everyone's really aware.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

No, they're also not aware because we condense this definition into a word like rumination. Rumination is so involved, but we condense the definition into one word, which simplifies it.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Well, I also think about how quickly we then move into fixing or denying or avoiding. So it's like we're not pausing very long here, we're just step like just moving on. Yeah. Or we're just immediately distracted by the next thing. Ironically.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

Yeah. Well, especially when we're not uh spending too much time in the curiosity state. Again, while this may be one more task while you're overwhelmed, when you have taken the time to, and and if you have found the time to uh pause, this is all a capacity thing. Can we now have enough capacity to open up to curiosity? And what if the answer is no? Then we can't push ourselves to do that. We have to we have to make peace and give ourselves grace for that.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

And it doesn't mean that it's lasting forever. And I think that's where the next line of thought goes for many people is oh, I don't want to be stuck here forever. Yeah, right, yeah, true. Understood. Um, but right now this is where we're staying. And right now, this is what we're recognizing that we do not have the capacity for this.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

How do we honor that as self-love and not failure?

SPEAKER_00 24:29

I think some of the rewords that we've even used in our talk today may even be helpful, noticing it as juggling multiple tasks and multiple responsibilities, and you are the one carrying that. Like you, you're you are doing that.

Capacity Curiosity And Self-Love

SPEAKER_01 24:46

I think it's so empowering to remind folks of this very thing, right? It's why I kind of like asked the questions to you, you know, where it's like, okay, do you actually have the capacity for this right now? Do you have the capacity for this emotional work, this cognitive work? When folks are regulated and logical, they'll say, like, I know I can't be everything to everyone. I know I can't take everything on, right? We say those kind of words out loud. But then when challenged with, do you have the capacity for this? I think a lot of folks would be like, Oh yeah, I can do it. Let's go, I can do it. Our world sort of tells us, like, yes, you can take it on. And if you can't take it on, then you're a failure. And how quickly it goes from, I understand this idea on like a hypothetical level, but when I have to apply it in my own life, well, that might be a harder pill to swallow.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

Yeah, we're thrusted with these ideas from multiple directions, too. I mean, that uh when you were talking about that, all I could think about growing up is this hustle culture that we've been prescribed, right? Like this, that we've been prescribed, like just you know, go at it and push uh until you can't push anymore. And then even then you keep pushing, and when you get uh when you get no, say yes instead. And so, like, and I know a lot of millennials and even um Gen Xers can really resonate. Like, we all grew up with this messaging of hustle, hustle, hustle, and that hustle culture still hasn't really stopped because now the language has changed into multiple streams of income. Oh, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah, it's like work hard, work hard, work hard. And effort is something you can always give. Similar messaging. Where and if you work hard enough, that's right. If you just work hard enough, you can be anything you want to be. Yep. What a load of crap.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

And if you don't, you're lazy.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Oh, these messages are so ingrained in us. I think folks who might be listening can then say, Yeah, I know that has been my message, and it has been something I've had to kind of work through and find a therapist for or a trusted friend, or to rewrite some of these messages. But even the rewriting of the message doesn't eliminate the message.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

No, because it's it's been a part of our story throughout our life. And I'm actually reminded of a like something that a lot of millennials are finding themselves breaking what we are calling generational curses. So all of these messages and beliefs that were kind of passed down onto us either by society or by our parents. And there was actually a conversation that I uh remember having with my mom, and she made a remark that a lot of uh people her age, so she's a boomer, are complaining that Gen Z eers aren't working. And I was actually honestly very confused because everywhere I go, I seem to see many Gen Z years working. And I and I started thinking about how there seems to be this generational um finger pointing at every other generation. And I told her I am going to break that. I am not gonna be the generation that perpetuates this idea that the next generation is lazy, and that's kind of part of this conversation.

Hustle Culture And Generational Messages

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Even folks who are listening can say, Oh, well, this generation has it so much easier. Wasn't that the point? It's isn't it so it's like, yes, in some ways they may have it easier, and other ways it's so much harder. My teenage daughter, well, she's 18 now, but she was just this past weekend. She was talking with my niece, and they were having this conversation, and they were like, you know what? I just wish that I was raised in your generation. I wouldn't have to worry about what other people are doing. I wouldn't have to be worried about um sharing uh, you know, on social media to try to keep up with everybody else. She was, you know, they were like, your generation had things so much simpler. And so there's part of me that's like, yeah, some things are easier, right? Technology has gotten better. It made it makes certain things easier. And then also things are also harder in many ways. And so I love this sentiment around like, we're not better, worse, good, bad, pointing to one another. I think it's always easy to you know see the grass greener on the other side. But at the end of the day, there's going to be harder and easier everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Yeah. When we have the capacity to point these things out, we can now create availability for us to have uh less to take on for ourselves. Because we have been assuming and have been assumed to have this full load of things at all points in times. And then that doesn't even equate to the fact that a lot of this is capitalism, and like that's a whole different rabbit hole that we're not going to touch today, but it it's worth mentioning because it it plays a whole part in this conversation. So, yeah, I uh the work that we can do though, because we can't uh redesign our whole uh economic system uh all right now, the work that we can do is to recognize some of these patterns that we may or may not be a part of, and changing that, which then can create the space for ourselves to all float.

Building Capacity With Delegation

SPEAKER_01 30:44

I kind of was curious around this idea of capacity, right? That not all of us are gonna have the capacity to take on even one more thing, and there is no shame in saying I can't take on one more thing. And then I started thinking about how do we help them feel empowered around creating more capacity building in their own life so that they have room. Because I I sometimes talk with clients and I I even think to my own self, right? That it's like, okay, if I am filling my schedule, my life, my emotional capacity, if I'm filling it at the beginning of the day to capacity, then I'm not I'm not gonna have room for things that happen in life. I think folks might resonate with this idea, right? When I look at my schedule and I see appointments back to back to back to back to back. And then at the end of the day, I'm so stressed because oh, I got this phone call from the school and I had to turn in the field trip form. But because I didn't leave any space in my day for an unexpected thing to happen, then set myself up for this situation to happen. And again, I can't always control everything, but how can we help folks feel more empowered and feel more in control of some tiny ways for capacity building?

SPEAKER_00 32:16

One of the first things that came to mind, and and this is kind of an access thing, and I recognize that for those who have access to being able to delegate tasks, because even small delegated tasks can help spread the work a little bit more evenly. And and I think that's something people assume that they cannot do or uh will not do because it needs uh needs to be done a particular way. And that particular way is a vision that they held in their own head. And so that is also kind of another line of working on this. Like, are it are there things that you are holding on to that you may be uh looking at in a perfectionist way and saying, no way, I'm not I'm not letting go of control of this thing because if I don't get done, it don't get done right, right? And I know that's a common saying. Letting go of some of the things that you do have control over that don't have huge impacts is definitely um worth evaluating because it can help you realize that there is a system that you can access and utilize that is there to support you. Just like you're ready and available, available to support other people, other people are also ready and available to support you.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

I would love to share a couple of examples that came to my mind around delegating because I think sometimes it's easy to think, oh, well, I don't have anyone in my life that I can delegate these things to. And when we start to pause and think a little more broadly, you might find things that you could pass along to someone. And it doesn't mean you're hiring an assistant, right? Though if you have the capability to hire an assistant, do that. If you have the capability to hire somebody to walk your dogs, to clean your house, to fix up the holes in the wall that are bothering you every day of your life. Like if you have the capacity to do those things, then figure out what obstacle is in front of you that either you're placing or is there, and then take steps towards that. But I'm thinking about even like one of the things that I delegate is my children's laundry, and I delegate it to them. They do their own laundry and how I mean, and again, this isn't meant to sound like a brag. I think some folks teach different things at various points, and for me, it was a necessity. Like I could not keep up with clean clothes, and it I could not send my kids to school smelling bad. It bothered me to my core. And so I taught them how to do their own laundry. You know, I I've talked with parents about at the end of the day, leave the dishes in the sink. You know, I had a mom who was working until 6 or 6:30, and she just was raised with this message that at the end of the day, the kitchen is clean. And I said, it's okay, you know, let the dishes sit there for a day on a day where you don't have a capacity, you know, you're under the weather, you had a lot of meetings at work, you had a lot of emotional meetings at work. It's okay, right? And so I wrote down the word like acceptance, right? So it's like when you can't delegate, perhaps you have to accept that this is sort of your capacity that you're in right now, you know. I gave up trying to keep the house clean when the kids were home on breaks. Frankly, Jackie, I don't keep the house clean when they go to school. Uh, you know, it's like the dog brings toys in, and I'm like, okay, well, I'm not picking everything up off the floor. I don't have the capacity to do all of the things and my job. And so I've just accepted that there are going to be things on the floor in my house until we all decide we're gonna work together and clean them up. But I don't know, I just was thinking about some of those examples around this. You can start to build even tiny moments of capacity when you can either delegate some tiny tasks or even big tasks if you can, or even just accepting that in this season or in this phase or or just today in this moment, this is just I can accept this and I can it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Yeah. Acceptance is also uncomfortable, and that yeah, is you know, like it can be uncomfortable to accept something.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

And you can do something that is uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Yeah, you can tolerate it.

Urgency Buckets And One Next Step

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Yeah, you can tolerate it. And so, like this other idea that kind of popped in my mind as you were thinking too is like creating these buckets of urgency. How urgent is the task? How urgent, how urgent is this activity or whatever that's come your way that is it urgent and important? Is it important but not urgent? Can it wait? Not mine to carry.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Yeah, I love that reminder. Does this need to happen today?

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

Does this need to happen today? And am I putting this pressure on me, or is someone else putting this pressure on me, or am I perceiving someone else as putting this pressure on me? And if so, can I take a moment to reflect, communicate, delegate, accept?

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Yeah. That was one of the things that I actually had to talk to my husband about in my own situation. Was I told him I I recognize that we are in a financial spot where I do need to take on more clients. However, this thing came up as a block. And I hope that you understand I had to put that, the clients, and and taking on more clients, sit aside right now. I cannot do both. I cannot do in this this task was more important and needed my attention more first, and then I can go back to revisiting how to recruit more people in my caseload.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

That was the thing that I realized as I was talking. And then you just brought it back is that idea of communicating. Sometimes we feel this pressure, we or we literally have this pressure around one more thing that feels like too much, but we don't talk about it. We don't share about it, we don't reach out for help or support all the time because even that feels like one more thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Yeah. Well, so in my case, I chose one next step, not the next 10 next steps. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

It's just one thing at a time.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

And it was hard. It it was hard for me because a lot of things, you know, you're you're going to deal with the guilt, you're going to deal with the um what ifs and the anxiety and uh all of the looming responsibilities uh like the the responsibility of me recruiting new clients isn't going anywhere. It hasn't gone anywhere, it's still existing. So existing with that discomfort hasn't been easy, but it was better for my mental health to put it on pause.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Yeah. So neither path feels amazing.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

But it's which is the urgent, important thing that you have to do. Even though it is one too thing, one too many things.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Yeah. The most realistic next action in the priority in the priority lane, instead of I need to fix everything. Right. All in one day.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

And that's the straight path to overwhelm and burnout.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

Yeah.

Find Jackie And Screen Break

SPEAKER_01 39:51

Absolutely. Oh my. Okay, this was so powerful. I love this. So tell folks how they can um find you, the work you do, how can people know more about you?

SPEAKER_00 40:02

Yes. So again, I am a mental health therapist in the state of Maryland, and obviously I am open to taking on more clients. So if you're in the state of Maryland and you're interested in working with me, you can find me at myidealprogress.com. I do have a small Instagram page that really needs a lot of updating. Um, also at my ideal at my ideal progress. And I hope I see you at either location.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

I love that. And I will link those in um the show notes. And I just love that this conversation has been just like an honest exploration around this very relatable thing. And that even though, as therapists, you know, you and I both have been doing this for a while now, and still every day, every week, every month, right? We're kind of like, okay, and here is this thing again. And so I'm so glad you came on to talk about this with listeners. And listener, I'm also glad that you're here. I say this kind of at the end of every episode, but I really am glad that you're here. I hope that you got a nugget or two from Jackie here today. I know that I certainly did. I took a whole page of notes and I'm excited to share this. I I love doing this podcast because, you know, the beauty is this might not relate to you today, but this might relate to you or someone you love or some conversation you're in over coffee or lunch six months from now. And that I come back to episodes all the time where I'm like, I recorded an episode with somebody about that. And so I hope that, listener, um, you are kind of finding this to resonate with you in a similar way that you can share this, whether it's now or with somebody in the future that you encounter.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Can I add like one piece like to encourage your audience? Because one small act I think we can all do to help like offload one thing. Uh, take a screen break today.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Oh, I love this. Okay, I'm gonna do that actually. I have a break, you know. I have kind of my lunch break, and I am just gonna like put my screen to the side. There's no major thing that's gonna happen for a half hour lunch break, you know what I mean? Yeah, and if it is, you know, that's what emergency personnel are for. Yes, it's true. Anyway, all right, listener, until next time. Stay safe, stay well, ciao.