Ep185: Purpose From the Pull Before You Scroll

You ever hit the point where you’re ready to delete every social app, then somehow end up back on Instagram or TikTok a few days later? We get honest about that social media push pull, including the part that feels most frustrating: even when you understand what’s happening in your brain, you can still get pulled in. 

We walk through how reinforcement works, why variable rewards keep us checking, and how quickly a simple post can turn into scrolling, comparison, and chasing numbers. Then we zoom out to the bigger question that doesn’t get enough airtime: what happens when being seen isn’t occasional, but part of how you make a living? When views affect opportunities, engagement affects income, and “authentic” becomes a brand expectation, the platform can start asking more of you than you meant to give. 

The practical takeaway is a small shift we’re trying in real time: purpose from the pull. Before opening an app, we pause and ask why we’re going there, what we’re searching for, what our body is craving, and what we actually need. That gap between craving and need is where intentional social media use and digital wellbeing can start to grow, without falling into all-or-nothing thinking. 

If this hits home, share it with a friend who’s stuck in the scroll, subscribe for more, and leave a review so more listeners can find the show. What pulls you back in most?

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: Podcast Application Form

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at Beth@makewordsmatterforgood.com

Transcript

Copy

Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello there. I'm Dr. Bestramont. I am glad you have found yourself here today. I want to talk a little bit about a topic that I have been studying and reading a lot about. And I've been kind of studying this topic for a long time, but have just started having a different lens toward it. And that is social media and not just its impact. I think we talk a lot about the impact that social media has, in particular on our teenagers. But I want to talk about this push-pull that I have been reading about and learning about and studying and living in my

The Push Pull Of Posting

SPEAKER_00 0:45

own life. And to be fair, I'm not sure I figured it out. You know, I have this push-pull that, you know, the reality is I every third day or so, I'm like, I don't want to do social media anymore. I'm deleting everything. And then I find that I'm kind of pulled back in, right? Like I want to be connected to people that I don't see every day. As a psychologist and speaker, I have things that I genuinely want to reach more people with. And the people I want to reach are also on social media. And so I come back. I open Instagram or TikTok, and I have this idea about something I want to share. And then I notice a comment, and then I start scrolling, and I check yesterday's post, or I look at what someone else is doing, and then I um get distracted by someone else's post that gets 50,000 likes, and the other person that I look at has 500, and mine is uh, you know, in the hundreds range or whatever, and I find myself just getting sucked back in, right?

Reinforcement And Comparison Traps

SPEAKER_00 1:58

And here's the thing: as a psychologist, I know what's happening, right? I know about reinforcement, I know the processes that are happening in my brain. I know all of this and I still get sucked in because the reality is just knowing the processes doesn't make us immune to the impact or the kind of way in which social media works, right? Like if I knew how to overcome this, I would be able to tell you that I've mastered it and I'm so good at it and I'm not. All right.

When Visibility Pays The Bills

SPEAKER_00 2:37

I've started wondering about this on a bigger scale, right? And I've started wondering what happens when being seen isn't just something you occasionally do, but part of how you make a living, right? I think about folks who take this on on a bigger scale, when views of your post affect your opportunities, when engagement affects your income, when being authentic is part of your brand, when your audience expects you to um be accessible to them. We talk a lot about how to grow influence. Like we talk for folks who um do their professional world in social media, and I'm, you know, one of those folks that try to have my professional voice be on social media. I'm just not sure we talk enough about what that influence asks of the person who um who has it, right? So I've been thinking about a different question. How do we use the platforms um that we are engaging with without letting those platforms act ask or or kind of use too much of us, right? And

Purpose Before You Open The App

SPEAKER_00 4:00

so one thing that I'm trying is this alternative to this push-pull that I was thinking that I kind of experienced that I just kind of my when I get my phone, I just my thumb just naturally goes to one of the social media apps, and then I find myself 20 minutes later, and it's like, how did I even get here? Right. I'm not even like thinking, hey, I want to look on social media. And so maybe this shift that I would encourage you that I'm gonna be trying alongside you is um purpose from that poll, right? So when I feel pulled before I open that app, I might encourage us all to ask ourselves, why am I going there? Why am I going into this space? What am I searching for? Right? What is my body asking for? What is it craving? What does it need? And what it's craving and what it needs may be two different things. And I think that that's what I'm finding in my own life is that the thing that I'm craving may not actually be the thing that I need to feed it, right? Am I going in because I want to teach something? Do I want to connect with someone that I haven't talked to in a while? Do I want to respond to something? That would be the purpose, right? Or am I being pulled in because I want reassurance or distraction? Or that little hit of excitement that you know, maybe something's happening, right? Maybe someone saw it, maybe it's it's going viral, maybe more people saw it than I anticipated. I wonder if we pause to think that way, would we feel less adversarial in our relationship with social media? This I'm hoping will help us use each of the platforms that we're on more intentionally, rather than letting that platform really dictate where my attention is gonna go and what I'm gonna do. And maybe that's where healthier production or healthier, healthier content creation lives, right? So if you're a person who likes to post, who likes to consume in the social media space, maybe there is a healthier way, and maybe this is one step in between, kind of the all or nothing way of thinking that maybe you tend, and I know I tend to be, where it's I'm either doing social media or I'm not doing it at all.

Intentional Middle Ground And Reach Out

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Maybe there's a place in the middle where we can say, I am going to have more intentionality over this. And maybe when we get clearer about what we're asking it to give us, and we're getting clearer about what we're no longer willing to give it in return. So those are my thoughts for today, and um, we'd love to hear from you. If you have thoughts on this, if you feel this same push pull, if you want to try purpose from that poll, I would love to hear from you. My email address is Beth at MakeWordsMatterforgood.com. And um, yeah, I'll probably be posting more about social media because I I tend to do this. I tend to be studying something or kind of embedded in something, and then uh love to share more and hear from folks more about it. So if any of this resonated with you, reach out, would love to hear from you. Ciao.